tom allen, we are forever done

i am liberated. no more will i have to stare into the icy blue eyes of tom allen that say 'i hate you', 'you are dumb', and 'i am so hungover/high' all at the same time. to celebrate this new found freedom, here are some things that tom allen says wrong. i guess this is terribly less interesting than the tribute to incompetence, but hey, we all hate tom allen so s'all good.

some words that mr. allen says wrong

he says: expedentially
he means: exponentially
expedient implies in a timely manner, so i can see where he is coming from. but the root word is EXPONENT, as in it increases at a rapid rate.

he says: atp syn-ta-tase
he means: atp synthase
there actually is something called atp synthatase, but it’s covered in ap bio, which, despite his best efforts, we are not taking.

he says: jen-ome
he means: gene-ome
no excuse for this one.

he says: gabe
he means: abe
abraham gelb does not translate into gabe. is it really that difficult to remember a name? he yells at abe at least twice a day, i don’t see how he still can’t get it.

he says: labtop
he means: laptop
it’s a computer that sits on your lap, not a lab table.

he says: prota-un-ca-gin
he means: proto-oncogene
understandable mispronunciation, but still...

he says: keem-ee-oh-osmosis
he means: chem-ee-osmosis
it’s chem, as in chemical. and there isn’t a second letter o.

he says: draw
he means: drawer
basic english. go to the bsi room.

he says: youge
he means: huge
this is not espanol. we pronounce the letter h.

he says: phospher-le-shin
he means: phos-four-a-lation
again with the substituting letters? it might work for coding for amino acids [note to self: never make bio jokes again] but it does not work in the english language.

he says: swuh-bel
he means: zwhy-bull
i know its a difficult last name. but i found it slightly funny when he called my house and asked to speak to 'mrs. swuhbel' and i told him that no such person existed and i hung up.

he says: fun-jie
he means: fun-guy
you know that joke about the guy mushroom trying to get with the girl mushroom, where he says 'but im a FUN-GUY'? the joke doesnt work if you say fun-jie. it just doesnt make sense.

any more?