8.11.2006

I Want My Water!

Also seen on Fox Chase Five...

The recent foiled terror plot in London’s Heathrow Airport marks a monumental and (slightly) reassuring success for the intelligence agencies of the world. Thanks to the work of Peter Clarke, the head of London’s counter-terrorism police, in combination with communication mistakes between the twenty-some-odd British-born Pakistani Muslim terrorists, the 10+/- flights remained grounded and American scum was once again saved.

The day of the attacks, all airports across the pond demanded that passengers carry only absolutely necessary carry-on items in clear plastic bags. This seems reasonable enough, not knowing how many more of “them” were in the nation’s airports. Today US federal officials banned all passengers from bringing liquids onto planes with the exception of milk and juice for young children, as well as liquid medications. Ridiculous, I say!

Anyone who has ever flown with me knows that I go through a liter of bottled water while in flight. There’s no real reason behind this other than my slight OCD and love of Poland Spring natural spring water. There are surely other people like myself who simply need a steady supply of something to drink. And what about the passengers who buy drinks at the terminal? Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and Cinnabon all sell deliciously cool and refreshing iced beverages that are bought by thousands of people every day. If someone doesn’t have it in them to finish their Venti Java Chip Frappucino, they’ll be forced to throw it out. Wasteful? Absolutely. But my gosh, think of the explosives that could have been mixed in with that chilled coffee beverage! Thousands of lives will be saved by throwing out perfectly good coffee. Airport security should be especially cautious about anything from Dunkin Donuts. Those Muslim donut servers have it in for us. And what of the milk, juice, and medicine? Federal officials are out of their minds if they think they should allow young children to imbibe these fluids. And that old man who “needs” his medicine? He’s a terrorist too.

In short, this whole no-beverage thing is a ridiculous short-term fix. Allowing this liquid but not that one will accomplish absolutely nothing. Terrorists are not dumb people. How long will it take them to put their explosive liquids into medicine bottles and Juicy Juice boxes? I can’t believe that there isn’t some simple tox-screen that opened bottles can be subjected to. A pH or phenolphthalein test would suffice to an extent (who says I don’t pay attention in chem?). Until then, we’re all barred from having our water. And you know what? I want my water.

3 Comments:

Anonymous myhoa said...

When was the last time you didn't finish a Venti? Your stomach is a black hole my dear!!!

xoxo hoa

10:55 AM  
Blogger Vman said...

Allow me to quote stephen colbert when asking "Why do you hate America?"

5:06 PM  
Blogger Alex Zhao said...

"In short, this whole no-beverage thing is a ridiculous short-term fix. "

Uh, that's what it is supposed to be. Short term.

"Terrorists are not dumb people. How long will it take them to put their explosive liquids into medicine bottles and Juicy Juice boxes?"

What the hell. Juicy juice would be hard because carrying an opened box by a 30 year old man onto a plan without drinking it is just weird. You'd only be able to carry enough medicine to light a small cigarrette, and I'm 100% certain they haven't banned water.

9:37 PM  

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